Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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