Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
