Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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