and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
