fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
