i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
