Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
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