theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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