Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
