someone threw a dead crab at me
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Don't tell me you're on acid again
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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