I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
