I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
