So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
