am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
