Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize