if i died would you start the facebook group?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
