do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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