Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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