Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize