I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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