i just wanna soil my oats bro
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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