Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
