Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
