Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
