our cab driver is having phone sex.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
