You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
