yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
