so explain again why im purple
no
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
