it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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