I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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