Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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