woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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