I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
My dick has a subreddit
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
