You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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