I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
