It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Randomize