3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
