I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize