I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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