I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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