remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
