He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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