when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
The feeling are messing with the penis
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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