We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
