watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize