I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
