Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize