Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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