I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
