I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
