Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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