i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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