Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Randomize
