i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
