Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
