im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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