when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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