i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize