I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
