I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
