non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
