I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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