Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
