we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
