i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
