Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
