So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
