If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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