i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
