I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Apparently you make a good broom.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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