i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
