I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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