on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
he fucked my hip out of place.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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