shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
