wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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