My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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