Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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