He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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