I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
