she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
