Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
wow bdsm is so cute
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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