You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
