I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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