my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
