Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
