so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
