there's paper in my vomit.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
