I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
