You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
