so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He shit in the fireplace
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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