the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
