My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
