The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
