I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
