Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
