Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
