i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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