i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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