Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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