i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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