since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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