My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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