I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
