4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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