Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
