Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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