To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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